I often ask patients about their experiences with chronic diseases or devastating diagnoses. I recently had a conversation with one of them about her cancer diagnosis. We talked about her family's and friends' reactions when she told them and what they said that made her feel better or worse.It seems that people who say things like: "Look on the bright side," or "There is a lesson in this," are no good to any patient. People who say that do not understand the enormity of the situation or do not stop and think how this might make the patient feel. When newly diagnosed cancer patients are not feeling optimistic or like they are learning something from the experience, words like these only add another negative feeling: guilt.
The patient that I talked to,as well as some of my friends, say there are things that helped. People who said: "This sucks. You do not deserve this," or "I will do...," and came up with a concrete plan for support, helped a lot. People who just listened and let the cancer patient rage and be sad and go through all the emotions they had, without judgment , helped the most.
Sometimes not saying anything and just being there is the best. What things that people said made you feel better?
1. I read an article from Good Housekeeping (4/06).
(not available online as far as I can see.)
"THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU"RE GOING TO SAY. Even if we're acting plucky, we cancer patients feel fragile. It's as if we're walking around with our outer layer of skin peeled off-every thoughtless remark is like splashing us with lemon juice."
(I include one bit of advice from the piece.)
"Caught off guard by my illness, my friends were trying to offer me what they had at hand-a story about another woman they loved who had cancer. They literally hadn't thought through to the end of the story. I cannot tell you how many of these tales wound up with the brave, funny,fighting-cancer-for-all-she's-worth person....dead."
"MY ADVICE: Unless the woman who died after her valiant battle was more than, say, 80 years old, it's best not to share. Instead, ask everyone you know for great stories about women who've been cancer free for 10 years. Then call back your friend with cancer and tell her that story-including, if the survivor gives her permission (and she will), a phone number."
I've felt compelled to write comments to this blog because of the good advice from many bloggers while also feeling a need to ocassionally, imo, correct some inaccuracies, especially from some commenters who feel a special need to create fear in cancer patients.
Is there anything worse than adding to a cancer patient's fear?
For me, this topic is of utmost importance.
Posted at 8:49PM on Jun 24th 2007 by hchcec